aMazing Grace: 2009

Once more, I apologize that this is such a long post

but I did my best to minimize this testimony of one

ACT of FORGIVENESS

from my life

for the theme this month at

The Proverbial Sunrise.

Love is patient and kind;

Love is not jealous or boastful;

it is not arrogant or rude.

Love does not insist on its own way;

it is not irritable or resentful;

it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.

Love bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

After mentioning this in one of The Proverbial Sunrise posts on FORGIVENESS this month that I would be sharing a special personal testimony of ONE forgiveness that meant the world to me, besides the MOST important one of JESUS CHRIST, the LORD continued to reveal to me almost daily, different times in my life when this matter of FORGIVENESS was key to my spiritual as well as emotional healing to go forward in Christ. Thus, it made me focus on at least 3 or 4 that were paramount in my life, which might mean I have much more work to do still. So I will go back to the first one that was on my mind originally when I made that remark and do my best to share this experience as briefly as I can. ("LOVE IS PATIENT and KIND") So bear with me!

As a teenager and young adult, I was very rebellious to my earthly father, which means also to my heavenly Father. ("LOVE DOES NOT INSIST ON ITS OWN WAY") I must admit that not only am I very stubborn but I'm sure I must have been a strong willed child also. Some of my rebellion was justified (of course) at least in my eyes, because my father was quite the same in nature, but he was a strong racist (we strongly differed in this) (and he let me know, in no uncertain terms that he had his reasons). God forgive him. I love my dad, he was just a little hard to deal with ...

I, on the other hand, hated the injustices and inequalities that I saw in the news or in our community or heard from my dad's opinions. As a teen, I began working in the inner city and boy, was my father upset with that ... that his daughter was going into these neighborhoods and working with the people from other races, teaching and helping them. I worked in some excellent programs of the public school district as I trained to be a teacher. I received quite a bit of flack from my dad as well as protective warnings and what he considered as good advice. ("LOVE IS NOT IRRITABLE...")

The short of this story is that I married a Hispanic, that was well educated and shared my interests, concerns and was an educator ... a great role model for me. But he was much older than I and he had been previously married. That was 3 strikes against him, as far as my dad was concerned. Without sharing many details, I was told by my father, in love, that if I do marry him, I cannot bring him home to our house. And of course, my rebellious nature, chose to exercise my free will of strong love and admiration, and I married him against my families' wishes, which means I had no church wedding or family celebration (though a few months after we were married we had our own wedding reception with another recently married couple). So on life went. I never realized how serious that decision would be in my life and how difficult my marriage would become, especially without family support. ("IT IS NOT ARROGANT OR RUDE")

Time passes and I abide by my father's wishes but holidays were so difficult. Then enters the picture, two half Hispanic children that we adopt, from my husband's side of the family. Now I really want them to be accepted and I want them to come to my family's home for all the major family celebrations. They were welcomed and accepted (but by my father, they were not really my children, though they were adopted by both of us legally). He treated them the same as all his grandchildren, he reminded me often. ("IT DOES NOT REJOICE AT WRONG, BUT REJOICES IN THE RIGHT") I know my dad loved me and our kids.

As time passes, my mother, after suffering for years with many medical problems, went home to be with the Lord...and life became more difficult for me. I found myself distancing from my husband but drawing closer to the Lord. I was very involved with church life and children activities, as I was the sole person raising our children in the church. I attended so many wonderful conferences as a teacher, parent and spiritual leader. But the first one that really began a spiritual growth and change in me, was Basic Youth Conference of Bill Gothard. I went to this because of a small group Bible Study I was attending called "Rebuilders" (for rebuilding your marriage) we went as a group. My eyes were opened to everything, but what stood out was when they spoke to the youth about asking FORGIVENESS of their parents for their rebellion and the importance of that for their life & future marriage. (gulp!)

I was brought to my knees. I knew that part of the consequences of my marriage difficulties stemmed from my rebellious nature. I knew that the root of that rebellion was directly related to my relationship with my dad. I stopped on my way home that night from the conference and asked my dad for his forgiveness. I even repeated it a few different ways and it was as if my dad didn't hear me. He did not say those powerful words, "It's alright. I forgive you." but I had done my part, I had come to him, admitted my rebellion and asked for his forgiveness. He went in his room and brought out something entirely different and I went home that night with a release in my heart but not in my spirit. ("LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS...")

Years pass, and my father is called to his heavenly home suddenly & without warning while I am in Mexico. I had received a letter from him on that day, September 13th that he had mailed to me in August. I immediately tried calling him all day, unable to reach him. So I sat down and began to write a heartfelt letter to him, not knowing that he had passed away. I wrote how much I love my dad, what it meant to me to be his daughter and how much I really needed his approval and for him to be pleased with me. Feelings I had never expressed, but needed to tell him.

The next day, two friends had been called by my husband to please notify me in person that my dad had died. They did and then they warmly offered to fly me to Phoenix so I could get a flight home but the airlines into Minneapolis-St. Paul were on strike. In a round about way, I finally made that trip home. My older sister & brother had made all the arrangements but waited my dad's wishes to be cremated until I could say my good bye. I'm so thankful and glad that they did. I read him the letter I had written him (which I still save) and gave him a hug. I was strengthened by my time with him in my spirit and was able to give the eulogy at his Catholic mass, sharing my dad's history and who he was...to each of us.

As my sister, brother and I collected all of his personal belongings and cleaned out his apartment and his earthly possessions, I was asked if I wanted our family bible. I gladly said "yes" and inside was a letter from my dad to all of us. His letter started with my mom & all she meant to him, then from the oldest to the youngest, he mentioned each one of the four of us.

When he got to me, he called me by my nickname (which he did not do before that) and he wrote that I had broken his heart with my rebellion (not his exact words) but that no matter what, he FORGIVES me. Golden words etched by his pen to me... words I had waited to hear for more than 10 years since I had asked. I was forgiven. My dad forgave me. He took the time to write those words, "I forgive my Peggy". Those precious words never meant more than that moment. I have prayed them many times and listed those that I needed to forgive and forgave, but the freedom that came with these words from my dad, I will never forget.

I treasure that letter! It's kept in my bible. This letter also confirmed to me that He knew Our Lord Jesus as his personal Savior. [He was raised Protestant and converted to Catholicism to marry my mom and he was a devout Catholic.] I needed this confirmation and this blessing. This letter is my release from a prison that was created around my life and the beginning of my healing and freedom through his forgiveness.

My dear pastor had counseled me years earlier, after my brother died and walked me through "The Steps to Freedom in Christ" by Neil T. Anderson. There are 12 steps to FORGIVENESS , a crucial part to healing. We took a list of other people that I had forgiven, prayed through each one and then burned that paper with each name. Then he told me that with this all done, now I must forgive myself. I broke into tears as we were praying and was not ready, actually I could not forgive myself... and there were many reasons I gave. (Lord, forgive me!) Bless my precious pastor.

It was pointed out to me (not by him but by another dear friend) that when we can't FORGIVE someone, even ourselves, it means that we are saying that we are superior or greater than God. Now, that certainly was not true, but since HE has FORGIVEN US, who are we to not forgive ourselves? Are we better? Are we higher than God? Are we exalting ourselves above Him? Clearly, we don't want to do this, but our inability to forgive ourselves says that ... so I was broken & I was able to come to that place of FORGIVENESS. With 1st Corinthian's LOVE, you will FORGIVE!

Have you been in the prison of unforgiveness?

Is there someone you need to forgive?

Is there someone that you need to ask to forgive you?

DO IT NOW

before you are not able to reconcile...

The release will be such a blessing!

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.

First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Matthew 5:23-24

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

James 5:16

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Pages

Friday, December 25, 2009

WISHING YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS & BLESSED NEW YEAR!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

I LOVE GOD and my DOG(s)!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

THE FINAL ACT and LETTER of FORGIVENESS