I've thought long and hard about whether I should continue the day by day happenings since August 25th until currently and decided that my writing is not that clear, nor are my thoughts, {so no, I won't be} because I'm trying to do this, thinking back, over the days that have blurred together by now ... and yet there were days along this 'maze' that have significant parts rather than me recalling the events of the week of August 26th - August 31st, when my husband came home ... or if I tried to catch you up on the changes that have taken place since then from September 1st to now to let you know that he is still alive (and I believe, God is still in control and at work - actually I can see His hand even in the days prior to the stroke and how God truly knows me and cares about me, but even more, He cares so much about every one of His creations, His children, which includes my husband).
I've known this all along as I prayed for him, for us, for our families ... yes, God holds the key to this entire story being played out before my very eyes. So I've come to the conclusion that I would sum up the significant days thus far ... after day 1 and day 2 ... day 3 and day 4, looked as if he was making great progress with physical and occupational therapy, plans to move him to another room and part of the hospital as soon as a bed became available so he could pursue rehabilitation ... then day 5 hit. It had been explained to us that the swelling on the brain occurs in the first 5 days.
August 29th - (sandwiched in between two very important people's birthdays) I awoke at 5:30 a.m. to the news that our 15 year old daddy dog had taken a turn for the worse, vomiting and falling over, so plans were made to take him to our vet to be put to sleep and return him to be buried at home on our hill. It was a heart breaking beginning to my day and an end to a cherished pet, yet I was so glad for the 15 years I enjoyed this sweet chihuahua mix that seemed more like a Jack Russel and gave me many joyful days and memories.
I left from this ordeal to the hospital where my husband was waiting to be moved ... to discover, he had a new RN in charge of him that day that did not know the exceptional progress that he had made, and I found that he had digressed significantly because he was unable to get out one word that I could understand, and it was difficult for him to even say the word, which was 'pick' ... up until the evening before he had been speaking in full sentences and carrying on conversations without any difficulty with everyone who had come to visit. His own sister and brother were en route from their home state to ours and he was anticipating their arrival, wanting to get cleaned up again including teeth with a floss pik. I mentioned this change in his speech to his new RN and he alerted the neuro dr., who decided to run another cat-scan to see what was going on or had happened. This is when it was discovered that the swelling was not in the cerebellum where the stroke had first occurred, but the swelling had moved to the frontal lobe of the brain, affecting his speech and swallowing. The dr. drew and explained this on the whiteboard and how they could do surgery by putting in a stent. So that's the direction I thought we were headed until they examined his health care directive (not updated since 2007) which stated that he did not wish to be kept going on any life support machines so they could not proceed with said surgery. I was devastated. To me, if this would give him a chance or save his life, give him more time, then I felt they should proceed but they could not ... and he was told and asked what he wanted by his sister; the only word that came forth was "home" so that is what we proceeded to make possible with Hospice Care provided from our local hospital team and hospital equipment, furniture, etc. was sent to our house on Fri. August 31st as I awaited that and his arrival in an ambulance transport. Meanwhile, of course, his dear home care companion since 2003, had cleared our living room of living room furniture to make ready his new, easily accessible room, along with another friend to help move everything out. That first weekend was so hectic, being Labor Day weekend, and we also had 3 members of his family staying with us.
He came home and none of his regular pill medications were going to be continued for diabetes and his beginning alzheimers - not even his vitamins. He was prescribed a pain medication every 6 hours. Last week, it was cut in half and currently he is taking none. That medication seemed to be giving him more problems instead of helping him and as I mentioned he was not in pain and has a high tolerance to pain. So after asking why, it was finally cut to half and then eliminated. Part of the reaction to this was nausea even with the med and just water, he continued to throw up then choosing not to eat, thinking he'd just be throwing it up. So that too was eliminated, but another one is available if he is nauseated. This means after 3 weeks, he is taking no medications and only 1 as needed.
The weather outside is dreary and colder so today he was cold, choosing to wear a jacket indoors. Yet he had a really great day yesterday ... actually it was a highlight of his time home, being interviewed by a columnist of our TC newspaper that he respects and keeps many of his articles. He came to our home. My husband was up early at 6 a.m. (and so was I) as he wanted to shave himself and get ready when the journalist wasn't even coming until later in the afternoon. He's using his walker quite well and insisting on being very independent since over a week ago; having to feed himself, brush his teeth, drink from his glass, get around to the bathroom, kitchen and even once outside last week when the weather was warmer.
So, we go two steps forward ... some days ... followed by three steps backwards. however this determined individual has a very strong will and much more to do in his earthly life (so does God) I strongly BELIEVE that speaking LIFE into him at the hospital is exactly what God is doing with so many people promising to pray for him, not even realizing his spiritual beliefs; yet God does, God knows him in every detail and aspect, and HE is faithful. I don't know the future or what it may hold for my husband as I hope and continue to press in and pray, but I do know the One who holds the future of this man in His hands.
It's one step at a time, one day at a time, one more moment or person that might make a breakthrough with this person, changing the outcome of being perished to one of being redeemed, which is up to that individual and God, which is why it's a personal relationship and only God sees and knows the heart. My God, my Lord is not so small to be put in a box or the concepts of our human mind ... HE is bigger than every problem, in fact, He knows the outcome before it ever started.
I BELIEVE that God, the Father, sent His Son, Jesus Christ, so that S** (my spouse, your son, your friend, your loved one) would believe in Him (Jesus Christ, Savior of the world from our sin that separates us from the Father) because He loves S** so much (even more than all of us together praying for our loved ones) so that S** (and yours) may not die (which is separation from God) but have eternal life (which is heaven, an eternity in God's Presence - no more death or sorrow or crying or pain, my how I look forward to that and really going "home" not like my husband to our earthly home (house) but to that promise of an eternal home, a longing that is in me (frankly, all of us who know Jesus can't wait, because this is truly where and to whom we belong, it's been inside us since we were created in His image) and I BELIEVE that all of us are, we just need to come to that place of acknowledging Him, believing His Word and confessing Him as Lord... have you? will you? before it's too late
