{this originally was the title when I started this post} No More Anniversary Celebrations on August 1st ... For years! No surprise. An awkward moment for others as to what to say or whether to send a card, and yet I have finally become accustomed to the fact that it won't be celebrated or even acknowledged by the other half, however I still consider it a momentous event in my life. There are many reasons (that I won't go into today) but today marks 46 years of marriage, that we will not be celebrating it together. One of us, does not even think of us as being married, just living or sharing a house together, I guess out of necessity or obligation. Yes, we both have failed in many ways our married life, but we are still legally married and live together.
A few years back, after returning from Mexico, I decided I would mark this day with another reason to celebrate, or better yet I chose to go out and get me a new car. I really needed one since my 1996 Ford van barely made it home. In fact, it was loaded to the brim with some of my earthly possessions and my 3 dogs, when it broke down completely 2 hours from the border. It was the transmission, so that's a pretty big part to have to fix, but I did & made it back to Minnesota. It just was not going to make it much further. Because of this, I felt justified in purchasing a 2007 Dodge Caliber, which only made it until this past winter. But each year since I got it, I had something to celebrate on the 1st of August, my new car. When I finally took it to a repair shop, I was told it wasn't fixable and that they would not even allow or be liable for me driving it home. This sounds pretty much like my marriage. What a sad comparison! Not too many of you would compare your marriage to a vehicle. It was all rusted out underneath. So has my marriage been for many years. Underneath the main frame, the foundation of my marriage, was corroding. It never had been built solid with the necessary basics, nor was it maintained, until it was totally in a state of bad condition beyond repair and all warning signs had gone unnoticed. So this year, I no longer thought I'd have my Caliber car and the date to celebrate on my anniversary. But, lo and behold, a special young friend and mechanic, told me that he would pick up the car and tow it home to find out if it was salvageable, because he's good at restoration of vehicles. I wasn't sure about the timing or if I could ever trust it again, so when another vehicle became available that I thought I could afford, I purchased a new 2013, but not on any significant date. Meanwhile, he found out that he could, and DID restore the 2007 Caliber. I only wish the same could be said of my marriage.
SO, Believe it or not, I decided to do a 'google search' about the celebration alone on this day ... and there were millions of results. I was shocked! The first one was from Wiki How with "12 Ways to Celebrate An Anniversary in a Bad Marriage". WOW! Many I have tried in the last half of our marriage. I was not sure if my non-existent marriage relationship qualified as bad ... or what? But I decided I needed to read this and some of the other results given. You would think by now, I might be able to come up with my own ideas on how to celebrate alone. It seems like most of my adult life, I've had to learn to substitute ways to celebrate and make this occasion and others memorable and enjoy the day, by myself or with other special people in my life, without revealing always the event or that I was celebrating. By reading through the google search results and choosing to read some, I found out, I am not alone and that there are other kinds of reasons that people are befuddled about what to do (alone) on their anniversary. Another one I found helpful to share: "Surviving An Anniversary..."
The day is still significant to me! It will always be a mark in a significant way to my life journey. I have invested many years into staying on course, or returning to the course, like the prodigal story in the Bible. I am content to no longer think that our marriage is salvageable, or believe in the happy-ever-after in my marriage. Years ago, no - decades, I decided that rebuilding takes more than one and that the term: irreconcilable or incompatible described this relationship. In fact, I concluded, what I already knew deep inside ... that it was never meant to be. Yet God in His mercy and grace, has been faithful to me, and the promise of Romans 8:28 that God works for our good in all things, and He has throughout all these 46 years of marriage and more years invested in this relationship, He will. I have seen the good and the people and circumstances that God has allowed in my life to help me through this... for better, and for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness and in health ... God gives me the hope and strength; the love and perseverance to press on. Waiting while God continues to work in each of us; the best is yet to be and worth celebrating, God's faithfulness and His promises of restoration. With God, through Jesus Christ, nothing is impossible (Matthew 19:26) and He, who began a good work in me, is faithful to carry it on to completion (Philippians 1:6 and 2:13), I believe and hold on to God's Promises, and await even Joel 2:25 of restoration. That's worth celebrating!
[Why even write a post like this?]
In case, like I, someone else needs to be encouraged in their emptiness, as I was as I read Wiki and others in my search. I truly was flabbergasted. I understood the ones about spouses after death (or divorce, which is a death of sorts) BUT in a marriage struggling or bad or on the rocks, I could not even fathom that there would be much or anything. I just knew that today I needed to stop and write something - for me, and hopefully that one other who needed this hope in an endless trail of disappointment, regret, chaotic life choices, whatever hurts. God can heal and will restore, if we give it to Him (one day at a time - sometimes one second, minute or hour at a time) until the release comes and we know. He never fails, He always forgives, He is with us in the good and the bad, we can depend on Him! He is faithful! He still redeems!
UPDATE:
[* image - where I enjoyed my delicious anniversary dinner, with dried up flowers (dead, symbolic) I've saved since Mother's Day, but not from my spouse or our children. This is near my spot on our deck, where my new pup can join me. The card I gave him was tossed out. It was a personal note to go with a book I gave him, "Streets of God" (he did keep that). I then left on this top 10 weather day to a special lake spot a little north from here with Bella (pronounced Bay-yah), our new pup, she'll be 1 year old at the end of the month]
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