CALM ...

in

CAREGIVING

The reason that I did not put "... in Caregiving" in the title is because I am the last likely person to give advice on being CALM and the least likely in being CALM in Caregiving. Those who are gifted with a gentle, caring spirit are much more likely to remain CALM. However, I am anything but CALM, which is exactly why God gave me this One Word for 2024.

It's not like I am inexperienced in this endeavor, because back in 2018, "we" went through this same experience of CAREGIVING after being sent home on Hospice to die from the hospital, this became the training ground and totally unexpected then and now 6 years later. At that time it was from a cerebral stroke and believe it or not (well, you have to since I'm helping him through a crisis once again, but thank God - not alone) at that time he recovered in 3 months. This time not as fortunate. Coming home from an unnecessary trip, he came back early because he was sick - little did he realize that it was COVID and from COVID, bacterial pneumonia and rapid loss of weight during those first few weeks. It does not help to have diabetes and chronic kidney stage 3. So yet another opportunity for me to learn how to be a better caregiver with the help of one other devoted care person; and help from Home Care to Hospice care once again. And let me tell you from July to December has not increased my competency in either caregiving nor being CALM - not one bit. But I am becoming quite good as a dietician and have put weight back on him and lowered his glucose levels considerably. Oh, and also his blood pressure was the opposite of mine, his is very low (hypotension) and mine is high to very high (hypertension) but I take medication to control it - however added stress (and weight) does not help. His blood pressure has improved & stabilized but his heart - oh that stubborn, hardened heart towards Jesus is the same with a bit more sentimentality but not spirituality AND mine, goes up & down based on me not remaining CALM, but my heart is fixed on Jesus & so in love. Yet God is good - so good! And it's all in His hands! It always has been. It's me that needs the help and understanding, so much still to learn and adjustments to be made. Sometimes our purposes do not line up with His, but little by little He adjusts ours to be more closely aligned to His. Works on our character and personalities, while He changes our perspectives ... however, too many of us take a long time or over the years become set, not always toward a better, or more godly way; sadly sometimes we harden or turn to the opposite direction or purpose. God is merciful, forgiving and ever so patient, that is why He is God (& we are not) and He is good (& we hope to be good or more like Jesus). But CALM? a Caregiver? those are a totally different story! Perhaps you've been one, and can share your wisdom & point us in the right direction. But as far as I am personally able to see or be, they are not compatible with me or my personality. Pray for me. (I know that you do)

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I decided before closing out 2024 and starting fresh in 2025 that I might share how God divinely works through us having a One Word and although I cannot offer any wisdom on Caregiving from my experience, I'd like to share some (you guessed it) excellent resources -more books. Not on CALM (I've shared plenty of those), but specific ones to a specific CAREGIVING role. Did you ever think that you'd end up doing or being something contrary to your personality or lifelong goals?

I'd also like to share that if you are unsure of your One Word, but you have a sense that this is what God is speaking - just go with it. You may not understand that God is using your choice to prepare you divinely for something unexpected that you will be facing and He will totally show you how that One Word will keep you close and coming to Him for all He can give you in wisdom and understanding to help and carry you through. We truly never know, but HE does. It will not change the course of events, and 2025 does not look like it's going to be any better or that I will find a new sense of CALMNESS yet I know I can cling to the One who holds all our destinies whether we believe in Him, or not; whether we accept Jesus as our Savior or not; HE is still there, WAITING, and giving opportunity for one more to hear His Voice, extend their life and come so meanwhile we are in a process too and God's still working in us and through us so that we might be a witness to the glory of His Son Jesus Christ, not just point to God, because we, who are believers know that "no one comes to the Father, except through Christ". ["Do You Believe? 40 Day Devotional" by Robert Noland]

So back to the RESOURCES for CAREGIVING (just some) because I have both paperback & Kindle (secular and non-secular); these are the ones that I found to be best in our situation but of course, each individual being cared for and caregiver are different as is their situation:  

"Loving Someone Who Has Dementia - How to Find Hope While Coping with Stress & Grief" by Pauline Boss, PhD

"Strength for the Moment - Inspiration for Caregivers" by Lori Hogan

"When Reasoning No Longer Works - A Practical Guide for Caregivers Dealing with Dementia & Alzheimer's Care" by Angel Smits

"The 36-Hour Day" by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins 

"Six Steps to Managing Alzheimer's Disease and Dementia" by Andrew Budson & Maureen O' Connor

"Empowering Caregivers through Alzheimer's and Dementia" by B.B. Goodings

"Mud on My Knees" Debra Bosacki and "Breath as Prayer" by Jennifer Tucker

... and many. many books on CALM and Prayer 

Also this BOOK LIST from Caring Bridge is good for the 15 Best Books and this LIST from CARE

At some point, which definitely isn't now while still in the "fight"; I should write more on a personal level with spiritual help on this "caregiving" experience, not because I have the "answers" or even good suggestions - but because God has the "answers" and He helps and prepares us with what we face whether it's a new role in our life or a new ministry or a special situation that might just help someone else struggling or facing crisis or life struggles. "Jesus over Everything" by Lisa Whittle and other books I read before also prepared me when this time came again. God will use all He can to remind us He's GOT This and He is in control (not us and not others). HE is "Closer than Your Next Breath" (by Susie Larson)! And "Jesus, CALM My Heart" is day after day of 365 prayers by Ruth Schwenk, "to give you peace at the close of every day" if not with a prayer for you, with a prayer for someone else. So let's PAUSE and give God thanks for disguising His GRACE in so many ways to help each SOUL come to know, love & serve the Father, through the Son, Jesus Christ and by the Holy Spirit - alive in us-because JESUS Always is Calling each one of us. Just BREATHE and give thanks!

"... It's a fine line between caring for the dying and the ill and managing to care for the living and the well."

The Home Care and Hospice team are teaching me this so well.
I'm so thankful for each one of them!
It was in one of the above books that this quote became important to me
from my experience in 2018 & then this one still ongoing in 2024-25

"... Worrying about the salvation of one of the most important person in my life caused me a lot of turmoil ... (until) God let me know that it wasn't my job to offer salvation; it was His."

I also know that if God can do this for me
that He can for anyone.
IF HE CAN
use me
in the most unlikely role
then surely HE can & will use you
IF YOU LET HIM & SURRENDER TO HIS WILL
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I may not be any 
CALMER
but
I know Who to go to
to find my
CALM
&
give CARE the
best I am able with God's help