December 2nd & the 6th ... Difficult Days but "You Say"

This song is in my head and on my heart for quite some time now and beckons me to share it here although it has nothing to do with this date, December 2nd nor the upcoming December 6th (which both mark the date of significant loss of a loved one) and always starts my Christmas season out with remembrance of each one, sometimes difficult, sometimes not, but never goes by without me noting a difference in the day ... sometimes it's then that I look at the date, and realize why - because these special people made a lasting imprint for years on my life, and now they're missing from my life. 

The one for today, especially at this season of the year, is my precious mother. It's been far too long to dwell in the pain or grief of such a loss - more than 30 yrs. but I still miss her and probably always will, this side of eternity. I tried to rationalize the reason for this song with anything with either of these people and I come up with nothing like ... it's because they taught me this or made me feel like this ... just anything at all that deals with a connection ... and there's none to these significant people, but it's very much connected to My One Word for 2018. In fact, I'd like to say, it's become my theme song for this One Word (and in case you've forgotten what my One Word is - it's repeated often, perhaps the most) ... so, see if you can pick it out or remember as you listen or read the lyrics of Lauren Daigle's "You Say":

"I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low? Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know (ooh oh) You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak You say I am held when I am falling short When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours And I believe (I), oh I believe (I) What You say of me (I) I believe The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity, (ooh oh) You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak And You say I am held when I am falling short When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours And I believe (I), oh I believe (I) What You say of me (I) Oh, I believe Taking all I have and now I'm laying it at Your feet You have every failure God, and You'll have every victory, (ooh oh) You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak You say I am held when I am falling short When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours And I believe (I), oh I believe (I) What You say of me (I) I believe Oh I believe (I), yes I believe (I) What You say of me (I) Oh I believe (oh) "

So, it would have made more sense to write a tribute to my mother or have a song that reminds me of her or a favorite of hers, but truthfully, I cannot think of one, nor did I share a relationship with my mother that was close or affirming, like I've seen with other mother-daughter relationships. I think this is mostly because I recall so much of our time together with her being 'not well'. She suffered quite a lot and so letting her go at the age of 65 seemed to be the best for her and a blessing. Yet as I now approach that age (next year), I can better understand and I'm not suffering of any chronic illness or on as many medications as she took plus needing an oxygen tank daily must have been so debilatating and such a cross to bear. 

[photo of my mom]
I guess the one truth I did learn was that there will be suffering in this world (John 14:27) yet we must press on as best we can. Now I try to hold on with a hopeful expectation to Revelation 21:4 and Romans 8:18. My mother, being a devout Roman Catholic, probably would not have known those verses yet believed these truths anyways and have been familiar with this message, knowing it full well in her earthly living. I truly believe that because of what I've seen in her lifetime and now mine, the basic truth found in Romans 5:3-5:
"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." ESV
You may be asking yourself, like I started this, wondering what's the connection between this song, your new theme song for 2018 and your mother or sharing these together with suffering?
It's basically found in what I have come to BELIEVE - and as this song speaks to me and my heart, my life, the core of lyrics that voice how I've felt for much of my life however I've been blessed to know and have a personal relationship with Jesus, that speaks truth into my being, especially when I battle or stuggle with lies. It's very difficult to rejoice in suffering or see others suffering. I may not physically suffer like my mom did, but I've known suffering as many of us do encounter along our life journey ... Yet this song reminds me of where my worth and identity lies - that I belong to God, I am His, no matter what - what God says of me, is really all that matters or counts, which has produced in me - endurance and hopefully character! Now that's the correlation of living with this hope that iBelieve which does not put me to shame because of God's love poured into my heart by the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ. This is so tied to all iBELIEVE, not given to me by my mother, but shown to me, by the suffering I saw her go through and how that impacted me. I love my mother and know God loves me and her enough!
Every word in the song "You Say" is true to me and speaks volumes to me from God's heart to mine, encouraging me to
BELIEVE
... when ...
'I can't feel a thing'
when
'I think I am weak'
when
'I am falling short'
when
'I don't belong' (either told or feel that I don't)
when
'I don't measure up'
when
I'm just not enough
when
I fail
when
I just need to know
what HE says of me
(not my mother, not my father, not my siblings, or my spouse)
NOT EVEN
a dear friend or church family or my past
just what
YOU SAY
LORD
i Believe
because
I am Yours!
You
are
Enough
even when I am not