"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion — to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."~from ISAIAH 61 Bible verse for this Blog

APOLOGY to READERS who followed a SEARCH to HERE & didn't find it

On July 18, 2017, I drafted almost 3000 blog posts that I had published since 2008 when I began blogging, rather than edit each one. So if you clicked here from somewhere else and ended up with the post unavailable or error, I am sorry but this is why. It'd be too much work for me to go back and fix them. There's an explanation on 7/19/17 as I'm still learning.

Thursday, August 4, 2022

Listening in Relationships

On August 2nd (2022), after re-evaluating my RELATIONSHIPs and deciding that I will start anew, with a different perspective about one of my RELATIONSHIPS (the most difficult one), Pastor Rick's Daily Hope devotional (in my email as well) was:

To Love, You Have to Listen

Living in a household with two people that are hard-of-hearing, but both have hearing aides - just don't always have them in; and also very hard-headed (meaning stubborn and set in their own ways), so listening and hearing are very key every day issues and frustrations. As I was reading Pastor Rick's words, there is so much(so you really need to read it in full if this is an issue for you, too-it's brief) but this just stands out:

 ... "You can hear something and not really be listening. " ...

In our case, it is both - can't hear very well, even when we think we do; and also we hardly ever listen well. One of us tries more than the other. Frequently, we just want what we're saying to be heard. Because of this, I have a notebook, where I frequently write out brief message, yet sometimes the response is long. I really try not to write at great lengths (contrary to my blog posts-lol) and really try to focus on the most important. Mostly because if what I write strikes a sore spot, I use to get pages of response. I asked for him to write those on separate pages, not in the notebook. The notebook is meant for short, informative messages. I tend to stay with that, but at times I find myself doing like he did, reacting. Since I established this written communication to avoid flare-ups or any arguments, I need to hold back often from writing, too. 

I so agree with Pastor Rick's first statement: 

"Listening is probably the most important skill in building friendships and relationships."

Both of us, as educators, were highly involved in Human Relation classes that included Communication as a large component of it (60 hours required by the State of Minnesota). This was/is a very important common interest and value for both of us (so I thought; without really noticing it was kind of one-sided - "I talk, You listen", which carries through until today). I struggle to get my chance to speak or that I won't be able to, so I speak fast (without consideration at times and interrupt) to get my part in and because of poor habit, I also speak loud to be heard. I know that both are inexcusable as bad habits of mine, which I try to work on and be aware when I am doing it. Being short of patience, is a fault of mine also. I am just saying this because I know I need to work on this especially if my emotions are involved; and that God is helping me work on this. He allows me much grace, so I, too, must allow grace.

However, the most important statement from Pastor Rick for me, that goes with this problem of mine (ours) is: 

... "Listening with empathy means you listen without interruption and you listen for what’s not being said—the feelings and fears behind the words. And you don’t need to try to fix the situation; sometimes healing comes just from someone listening! "


This is a good message - much needed by yours truly!

Listening without listening to the other is a one-side dialog, not a conversation.
Often, in my case, it's not even a dialog, but a lecture or teaching point
that I need to hear/ pay attention.  Whereas, when I speak, I usually am expressing feelings or asking about something.

This is when a RELATIONSHIP becomes a RELATIONSHIP.
When it's mutual listening and sharing.

The word RELATIONSHIP has RELATE as its root word. 
So "relating" is part of this -
"Relate" means to make or show a connection 
and feel sympathy with as you identify with ... 

Make Listening an integral part of your mutual RELATIONSHIP(s)!


A Side Note: In 2022, I have been enjoying a Daily Devotional that I frequently have shared on here - "Jesus Listens". I know and have known that Jesus Listens, my problem is to be still and know - how to LISTEN to Him. Hmmm - same problem (sigh, ouch)! I really do try to do this as well as I am working on it with the human relationships, but when I am still, giving Him (God) a chance to speak (not audibly, but by His Spirit within me), my mind starts to wander and ramble on and I lose staying focused, waiting in the silence to hear Him. I get anxious, I guess, in the waiting and not hearing. Or not thinking He will speak. Then there are times that I hear Him speaking in so many ways and connecting what I read in His Word with other devotionals and email messages - as if He is speaking to me from all sides just to get my attention. I will do better Lord! If I want to be heard or given attention, I must do the same first. 

"Lord, help me to be especially sensitive to my hearing skills. May I listen twice as much as I speak, but yet be very liberal in applying Your keys to all my life situations. Whenever You return, I pray I’ll be ready and so will my household. In Jesus name, Amen." {from a YV plan}

As I am writing to publish this, Pastor Rick Warren has finished the Awesome Families parts 1-4; and moved forward to our Relationship with God. "Becoming Best Friends with God - Part 1". I was going to wait until Friday, and give you a break in reading my posts, but I never know when something I hear or read in Awesome Relationships will inspire me to write again. Thank you for reading. 


  1. "You don’t need to try to fix the situation; sometimes healing comes just from someone listening! "

    So very true! I know many times all I want is a listening ear and am not expecting a solution really, but then I turn around and try to "fix" a situation that is being shared with me because I'm a "fixer". So I stop truly listening while I'm planning my my steps to make everything ok. Why do I do that? I know I'm not God and that all His thoughts and ways are much higher and His solutions are way better than my sorry attempts. Thank goodness that "He's still working on me". KT

    1. You're so right & so is Pastor Rick's statement that you shared. Thanks for your honest sharing. I have seen the best side of you, as far as listening & not the "fixer" side, I think that's either a woman trait or the 1st child, to want to "fix" it. I have the problem with thinking about what I should say while the other is speaking, so I'm not listening well often. Glad God is at work in both of us. I hardly can fix myself or my own problems so I better not even try to be a fixer, however I really would like some resolutions, especially to unresolved conflicts. Why do I do what I don't want to do ... doesn't Paul say that? I appreciate your thoughts & openness!


Bless you for your visit and encouraging words! I thank you and I am humbly blessed by YOU and the time you spend with me... Peace, "Mazmagi" Peggy

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