CHRISTMAS ...

Makes Me Cry
... as I shared last week with "The Sweetest Gift". Then, right after I posted that song, our local Christian radio station played this one, which fits a little better. Yet somehow Christmas fills me with many mixed emotions - joyful and sad, so I especially like the part in this song on the variety of 'tears' ...


'Cuz Sometimes Christmas Makes Me Cry and
it can be any of those 
tears

"Tears of faithfulness, tears of hope, I cry tears of joy"

{tears of thanks too}
I guess by now you can tell that I am kind of in a season of melancholy for this time of the year (but I'm not really depressed) ... In years past, on my blog, I would share songs leading up to Christmas, a countdown to Christmas with carols or some of the new songs of the season. Perhaps doing this in past years allowed me to reminisce good times and the joy of Jesus, so sharing those songs was somewhat therapeutic, as I wrote last week that music usually 'does the trick', 'brings the magic' and fills the heart with melodies that soothe and help a heart to keep rhythm with the beat of the 'rum pa pum pum' of the 'little drummer boy' or 'the night wind to the little Lamb' so you get beyond the doldrums and enter into the peace and hope that Our Savior came to bring. And you can smile as a tear drop fills the corner of your eye with a misty memory of times gone by, and the ones that touched your life, as well as those who still do. 

{sorry neither photo is very good}

Silly as it may be for some of you, I happen to be holding precious thoughts of a sweet fur baby that left us this year in August, so my tree has an ornament on top with a special silver frame holding a photo of Chiminito, then other photos of him are scattered here and there between the branches, and the twinkle of the lights (and nothing more). Chimi brought many twinkles and tinkles to my life. Yes, because in the 15 years that Chimi was here ... he touched me and he made me laugh (besides bringing 6 others into this world, 3 remaining), he was a simple, small delight of mine that God allowed in my life to teach me a few things, even about Christmas! Yes, so much in such a small friend! It's hard to imagine how something so small can make such a difference in ones' life. I even sing "Chim, chimini, chim, chimini, chim, chim, cheri ... " and "Chiminito, Chiminito, tiny little thing ... Chiminito dance, Chiminito sing, oh Chiminito, what's the difference, if you're very small, when your heart is full of love, you're ten feet tall"
So this song above, didn't make me think of Chimi, of course, but I did end up writing about him, so you can see who's in my heart this Christmas, and what happens when I sit down and simply share, those tiny pawprints made a deeper impression on me than I had thought - but without tears, just a partial smile thinking of all his many antics since he became my pup and missing him this Christmas. So you can imagine how I must feel about people that are loved ones gone, who have journeyed on from here. Some year, I will get this grieving and lamenting right, but meanwhile I'll keep holding on to the Miracles ... like the Miracle of Christmas. I sure wish others would grab hold of this Gift and realize Jesus is so much more than a 'babe in a manger' ... or a closet of 6 puppies that came into this world because of Chimi (and the stray mommy Toby), one of which who didn't know any better - my mischievious little Chimi found out the hard way and I became responsible for a few more fur babies to care for in this world, born on Day of the 3 Kings ... the Magi - and what a gift Chimi and those pups have been. The Joy of Christmas and the Magi ... Jesus brings the best gift - Himself (and so did Chimi)!
  A Very Merry and Blessed CHRISTmas to you and yours
¡Feliz Navidad!
~Peggy, Chimi, Chiqui, Chispa and Lucky

"The Sweetest Gift"

Somehow music usually helps me through difficult days and seasons
and although this one does not fit my situations it is very touching and new to me
so

this title helps me  remember that every year, every moment
JESUS is the Sweetest Gift {although it's not directly what this song says}

"I'm not gonna lie Christmas really hurts this time 'Cause you're not here to celebrate with me Tears fill my eyes The memories flood my mind As I place your ornament upon our tree Although this year I have a broken heart It gives me hope and joy as I remember where you are You're with the Son of God You're with the Prince of Peace You're with the one who's celebrating And that thought amazes me Sometimes I still break down Grieving that we're apart But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are You're with the Son of God" for more of the lyrics, go here

because JESUS is the true Reason for this Season
every season

After this first week of December, which quite often is hard for me, pondering about what God might want for my new One Word, I couldn't help but reflect on the one for 2018: BELIEVE, because this One Word also helped me through this year as I faced times when I held closely my faith and all iBelieve. God could not have given me a more important Word than this one. Our Lord Jesus walked with me through His Word, His Promises, and alongside me all year long (even on the 2nd and the 6th, this past week), a broken heart, a broken spirit (Psalm 51:17),  a broken 'alabaster jar' (Mark 14:3-11) poured out ... what a precious gift Jesus is and gave us! The Greatest Christmas Gift! (thanks Ann Voskamp!)
JESUS
"The Sweetest Gift" I know
... Let's Unwrap all Jesus is ... 
this Christmas, this year & next
as we wait with
expectant
hearts
for
His Coming
        Growing In     Faith          Together

Life is sweeter with Jesus
holding you

Prayers for comfort and peace
[A Prayer for the Grieving at Christmas]


*I really like this video done by The Piano Guys too! Be blessed!

"New Every Day: Navigating Alzheimer's with Grace and Compassion"

"New Every Day: Navigating Alzheimer's  with Grace and Compassion" by Dave Meurer

is a light read of a very difficult subject and provides much needed information on Alzheimer's and caregiving!

I requested this book during October, which is Emotional Wellness Month, not just for someone I love who has Alzheimer's, but mostly for my own wellness while caregiving for that someone, who returned home from ICU for a stroke under Hospice Care. ('Hospice is Not a Bad Word' - great chapter and so true). Since then, my loved one has made great strides of progress in recovery, so it most certainly was timely for me, and I definitely learned much about the second part of this title 'with Grace and Compassion' from reading from Dave's wise, yet humorous perspective. I needed a bit of humor for sure after 3 months of caring under distress instead of 'navigating' well to bless the One and the person, in need of loving care when all any of my Christian fruit was wearing thin and noticeable to others, even with staying in the Word each morning and evening. I needed a break.

At first, not being familiar with this author or his style, I thought that it might be a bit inappropriate for a humorist author to write on any disease, with humor. He even addresses this in one of his chapters. As I began the book, I wondered how I could review this book favorably, not understanding the rationale or lack of order to the book until I arrived at the third chapter, entitled 'Non Chapter Note' which clarified this and Dave Meuer admitted to this inconsistency. Eventually, I began to get his humor and rationale for this approach, finding myself actually being able to laugh aloud. So my recommendation moved from low 2 star to at least a 4 star because of his heartfelt, realistic approach to sharing practical information through his own experience with his mother-in-law. Since he is somewhat directly removed, but constantly involved and concerned as part of her care team, he is able to step back and observe, giving highly beneficial information weaved between real-life stories that has helped me immensely. 

There are many chapters that I am sure I will need to go back to and read again, such as 'Medicare and Medicaid - How They Will and Won't Help' (which I'm just beginning to learn about) and 'Moving In, Moving Out and Moving On'. These are just 2 out of 30 chapters (if you count chapter 3, the non chapter). My favorite chapter, most likely because it hit home personally (though each chapter held parts that did) was 'Resentment, Fear and Other Hazards of Caregiving' however my insecurity increased slightly with my knowledge, as I looked at parts of Alzheimer's I have not yet had to face so that fear increases as you read, and then I briefly am thankful. However, I had a dear loved one that passed away this year as Alzheimer's robbed her of her gentle way and even speaking for the last few years of her life and knowing her loved ones, which I can't even imagine at this point. Dave Meurer shared with vulnerability and honesty some very difficult aspects. I have found this immensely helpful to read, learning to 'relax, adapt and especially laugh again' at a time when I was forgetting the healing that comes in laughter. 

When I set aside any of my preconceived ideas against humor in this heart breaking and horrible disease, I was able to see much value in Dave's approach and benefited (will continue to benefit) from the moments I found a laugh along this journey, from someone who knows what we face as caregivers for someone with dementia and beyond. 

Although this addresses Alzheimer's disease, I think any caregiver would benefit from reading this and perhaps if their loved one suffers from another debilitating disease, it may help more because they can step back from their own circumstance and read on a different disease, appreciating the practical, helpful guide that Dave Meurer has taken the time to write with just the right balance of humor and insights with information to help you 'navigate' resources. I also found that 'New Every Day' includes a Christian perspective, especially in the last 2 chapters ('A Life More Real Than This' and 'A Few Final Thoughts') however, it does not overdo in any way or come across preachy, he uses Scriptures appropriately and supportively; which makes this book versatile so that others will gain much from it as well.  This book has helped me in my day to day journey of caregiving of the person and myself. The chapters became easier to read with his dose of humor in such a difficult road now and in the future. I truly appreciate that he did include a chapter from his wife as well. In many ways, this book has encouraged me to look for other books written from caregivers and people dealing with Alzheimer's, more specifically from a spouse's point of view. Dave Meurer has taught me to laugh again and appreciate what's 'New Every Day' for me as a better human being caring for an Alzheimer's sufferer with more grace, compassion and understanding. 

Disclosure: I received this book free through  Revell, the publisher, in return for an honest review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the FTCs 16 CFR, Part 255

December 2nd & the 6th ... Difficult Days but "You Say"

This song is in my head and on my heart for quite some time now and beckons me to share it here although it has nothing to do with this date, December 2nd nor the upcoming December 6th (which both mark the date of significant loss of a loved one) and always starts my Christmas season out with remembrance of each one, sometimes difficult, sometimes not, but never goes by without me noting a difference in the day ... sometimes it's then that I look at the date, and realize why - because these special people made a lasting imprint for years on my life, and now they're missing from my life. 

The one for today, especially at this season of the year, is my precious mother. It's been far too long to dwell in the pain or grief of such a loss - more than 30 yrs. but I still miss her and probably always will, this side of eternity. I tried to rationalize the reason for this song with anything with either of these people and I come up with nothing like ... it's because they taught me this or made me feel like this ... just anything at all that deals with a connection ... and there's none to these significant people, but it's very much connected to My One Word for 2018. In fact, I'd like to say, it's become my theme song for this One Word (and in case you've forgotten what my One Word is - it's repeated often, perhaps the most) ... so, see if you can pick it out or remember as you listen or read the lyrics of Lauren Daigle's "You Say":

"I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low? Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know (ooh oh) You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak You say I am held when I am falling short When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours And I believe (I), oh I believe (I) What You say of me (I) I believe The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity, (ooh oh) You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak And You say I am held when I am falling short When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours And I believe (I), oh I believe (I) What You say of me (I) Oh, I believe Taking all I have and now I'm laying it at Your feet You have every failure God, and You'll have every victory, (ooh oh) You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak You say I am held when I am falling short When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours And I believe (I), oh I believe (I) What You say of me (I) I believe Oh I believe (I), yes I believe (I) What You say of me (I) Oh I believe (oh) "

So, it would have made more sense to write a tribute to my mother or have a song that reminds me of her or a favorite of hers, but truthfully, I cannot think of one, nor did I share a relationship with my mother that was close or affirming, like I've seen with other mother-daughter relationships. I think this is mostly because I recall so much of our time together with her being 'not well'. She suffered quite a lot and so letting her go at the age of 65 seemed to be the best for her and a blessing. Yet as I now approach that age (next year), I can better understand and I'm not suffering of any chronic illness or on as many medications as she took plus needing an oxygen tank daily must have been so debilatating and such a cross to bear. 

[photo of my mom]
I guess the one truth I did learn was that there will be suffering in this world (John 14:27) yet we must press on as best we can. Now I try to hold on with a hopeful expectation to Revelation 21:4 and Romans 8:18. My mother, being a devout Roman Catholic, probably would not have known those verses yet believed these truths anyways and have been familiar with this message, knowing it full well in her earthly living. I truly believe that because of what I've seen in her lifetime and now mine, the basic truth found in Romans 5:3-5:
"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." ESV
You may be asking yourself, like I started this, wondering what's the connection between this song, your new theme song for 2018 and your mother or sharing these together with suffering?
It's basically found in what I have come to BELIEVE - and as this song speaks to me and my heart, my life, the core of lyrics that voice how I've felt for much of my life however I've been blessed to know and have a personal relationship with Jesus, that speaks truth into my being, especially when I battle or stuggle with lies. It's very difficult to rejoice in suffering or see others suffering. I may not physically suffer like my mom did, but I've known suffering as many of us do encounter along our life journey ... Yet this song reminds me of where my worth and identity lies - that I belong to God, I am His, no matter what - what God says of me, is really all that matters or counts, which has produced in me - endurance and hopefully character! Now that's the correlation of living with this hope that iBelieve which does not put me to shame because of God's love poured into my heart by the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ. This is so tied to all iBELIEVE, not given to me by my mother, but shown to me, by the suffering I saw her go through and how that impacted me. I love my mother and know God loves me and her enough!
Every word in the song "You Say" is true to me and speaks volumes to me from God's heart to mine, encouraging me to
BELIEVE
... when ...
'I can't feel a thing'
when
'I think I am weak'
when
'I am falling short'
when
'I don't belong' (either told or feel that I don't)
when
'I don't measure up'
when
I'm just not enough
when
I fail
when
I just need to know
what HE says of me
(not my mother, not my father, not my siblings, or my spouse)
NOT EVEN
a dear friend or church family or my past
just what
YOU SAY
LORD
i Believe
because
I am Yours!
You
are
Enough
even when I am not

"GOD WILL MAKE A WAY..."

... but this isn't just about 

Don Moen's

awarding winning song,

it's the title to his new 'memoir' 

his first-ever book,

"God Will Make a Way

Discovering His Hope in Your Story"

by

Don Moen with Robert Noland

... released on October 16th, 2018, and I couldn't wait to get my hard bound copy to review. For me, to not only read a book by Don Moen, one of my first, personal, favorite worship leader and song writer, which is an honor and delight, but to read one with this song as it's title and theme of hope, starting out with learning the 'story behind the song' for him - because this song (among many of his songs that I love) holds a significant personal meaning for me in 1990, and I never knew the tragic family story from 1987 nor the verse in Isaiah 43:19 until reading this book, followed by listening to his DonMoen.tv video of the story at YouTube. Such an inspirational moment of hope from God to Don Moen to give hope to his loved ones when they really needed "God to make a way". In the same way, as this song, this book pours forth much hope, even now for me, once again in a place where I needed to be reminded of how "God will make a way." Since we each face hard times in our lives, we need a song or book like this to see us through ... and to get us beyond what's happening, to a renewal of hope and fresh faith, to believe God is supernaturally still working behind the scenes of what we see with our eyes to what the Way Maker (God) has done and is doing that may not be so easily seen.

"God Will Make a Way ..." has a Forward by Manny Pacquiao, an Introduction (which is Don's 'personal note to the Weary and the Leary' - me, when I received this book) and 12 Chapters of "God Will Make a Way ..." Through the Storm, Through Our Surrender, Through His Calling, Through Our Trials, Through the Movement of His Spirit, Through Providing His Platform, Through His Miracles, Through Our Testimony, Through Life's Interruptions, Through Our Cooperation with Him, Through Our Worship in Spirit and Truth ... right back to the statements of hope and faith asked in his Introduction, bringing us or leaving us with "God Will Make a Way ... Through His Hope" with a beautiful ending prayer, as he prefaces with: 

"If I was somehow able to sit down with you for a few minutes, this is what I would want us to agree in prayer together for your life ..."

... and as you read through this encouraging book, this is exactly how you feel, as if Don Moen is sitting with you, sharing with you, encouraging you on ... through his personal stories, scriptures and song lyrics that will be familar to those who know his worship songs, with the same worship filled heart that leads us in spirit and truth to the throne room of God in so many of his lifetime of worship albums. He humbly leads us through his life and story, behind the scenes of his songs and ministry, while making a way for us to discover God's hope in our story, whatever our circumstance(s) may be. My only wish is that each of his chapters would have ended with one of his worshipful prayers as only some did (2,3,10,13). I enjoyed the middle section of 4 pages of personal photos that put faces with the people and stories included. I have so many parts marked that I thought I would share in my review, but since there are so many I didn't, so you'll really have to read the book for yourself because I'm sure these personally applied to my life and others will encourage you in your life with whatever you're facing as this book did for me, changing my "nots" into hopeful declarations with a new message of grace (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) because not only can God make a way, He will, even when there doesn't seem to be a way! I read and reread pages time and time again, and know that I will in the future, when I need to be reminded, but the last chapter ... 'through His Hope', with his ten Praise Principles, will be one I will open often, because like Don wrote in that chapter: "Living without hope creates mental, emotional, and spiritual ache in the soul, that leads to a desperate desire to numb life ..." so instead "I Will Sing, I will praise ... " 

I can't say enough about "God Will Make a Way" ... and how thankful I am for having had the privilege to read and have this book added to my library. It definitely is worth it to me to break free from the crushing weight and reality of life's circumstances, thoughts and feelings that devastate us or cause despair and doubt. And who better, than a beloved worship leader, pastor, producer, artist and song writer, to show you the way to the Way Maker, who ultimately is our anchor of Hope, Jesus? 

Disclosure: I received this book free through BookLook Bloggers, from the publisher, in return for an honest review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the FTCs 16 CFR, Part 255

{Ok, maybe I'm a little biased as a fellow Minnesotan to Don Moen}

"... PRAYER ... and the Promise that Changes Everything"

This is not an actual Book Review, but more like an announcement of a new book (actually 2 books, and 1 will be an Online Bible (Book) Study (OBS) with FaithGateway starting October 8, 2018). However, both books, without even reading them yet, I guarantee are worthwhile considerations to add to your wish list of books to get. I have read enough of these two authors that with sight unseen (which means book unread) I can vouch that each book will help you grow as a human being and a fruitful Christian. The truth is I am doing a sample of one of the books at You Version and I just received my order of the other one as an ebook deal in Kindle. I decided I needed to find time to get online and write this post, so that if you also are interested that you can take advantage of the very best prices. Clearly, the FaithGateway one, available through their OBS, which will also share the author in video teachings, is lower at this time through them so you will register for their 5 session study with a great teacher. 

Honestly, I jumped online to share just the one I quickly purchased, but as I started, I couldn't help but think about the one I'm currently doing with a small group of sisters in Christ, at YouVersion, so I'm sharing them both, but my priority:

"When you call to me, I will answer you." (Psalm 91:15 GW)

...if anyone understands  desperation for God to answer you answer your endless prayers it would be me...
but because I know and have read other books by Cherie Hill and connected with her years ago personally on her websites through emails, etc. enough so I feel as if I know her when she writes it's as if she gets you and is speaking right with you. Cherie is clear in her messages, insights and her heart  for God and His people.

Her Introduction immediately drew me in with these words, so if given a break and a few free extra hours, I will continue & finish

"I don't know what you're going through at this moment, what you've been through in the past, or what lies ahead in your future, but God does. He's the One who answers prayers and brings about the miracles you desperately need. That's why you need prayer-it's God's gift to you

Cherie Hill knows what prayer is (check out Scripture Now and see) ... and in this book she addresses the "toughest dilemma every Christian faces: doubt." ... "In this encouraging, affirming exploration of our constant battle with unbelief, author Cherie Hill offers a deeply personal, compelling approach to transforming your own faith by honestly examining your doubt." As an author, Cherie Hill relates to us from a compassionate, understanding heart that knows, with a deep, spiritual insight and much Biblical wisdom. As with all of her books, reading this will be 'eye-opening, heart changing and faith building' and without a doubt, Cherie will pack this book full of God's promises in His Word, prayer promises that will help us take our stand and the 5 chapters will transform your life journey and definitely your prayer life! right into "Your War Room" she will move you to be honest and trust God as you talk and listen to Him - give her and "The Problem of Prayer and the Promise that Changes Everything" a faith trial run, I know you'll be glad you did.
And as far as the other book, you will be changed also, just click on the links to find out more about "unexpected - a journal of faith - leave fear behind, move forward in faith, embrace the adventure". 

"THROUGH MY FATHER'S EYES..."

Book Description "USA Today Bestseller List. Many have written about Billy Graham, the evangelist. This is the first book about Billy Graham, the father, written from the perspective of a son who knew him best. ... “My father left behind a testimony to God,” says Franklin, “a legacy not buried in a grave but still pointing people to a heaven-bound destiny. The Lord will say to my father, and to all who served Him obediently, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant’ [Matthew 25:21].

  One of the first books I requested to review years ago was "Unto the Hills" written by Billy Graham, so with this book, "Through My Father's Eyes" I will have made a full circle with my respect to this devoted, beloved evangelist, that I have watched and read his books for years: Billy Graham; and who would know him better than his own son, Franklin, giving us an insider insight into this man of God. 
I received this book in the mail this summer but it was actually released back on May 1st, 2018 and I immediately began a sample Bible reading plan at You Version of this book because I couldn't wait to get it. I have it as a hard cover and also in my Kindle Reader because I have been meticulously reading this insightful book that is not just a close look at the life and ministry of Billy Graham, but also as the title indicates "Through My Father's Eyes", which can connote both Franklin's relationship with his dear earthly father, Billy Graham, and seeing things through his eyes as he watched and followed his dad, yet more than that seeing all things with a heavenly perspective, of our Heavenly Father - that both these men have given such a testament of living a life "through our Father in heaven's eyes". So this book is a living biographical tribute to both of Franklin's parents, Billy and Ruth Graham Bell, and also that of Franklin and the entire Graham family. I was deeply moved by each one of them at the celebration (funeral) of his life as each one spoke ... and these pages beautifully continue the legacy in a heartwarming yet biblical as well as bringing forth the message of Billy Graham of salvation through Jesus Christ! 
Franklin Graham (with Donna Lee Toney) must have had this book in the works for many years because it details so much from the Preface and Introduction right through to the end. The Preface and Introduction are so well thought out and explain well Franklin's reflection of the relationship he enjoyed with his earthly father for 65 years as the book goes on to clearly show in 13 chapters ending with "Legacy" and how we can enjoy a divine relationship with Jesus Christ, the message of Franklin's father throughout his lifetime, now past on because those of us who are Christian know that Jesus told his disciples "...only through Me, can you come to the Father" (my paraphrase of "No one comes to the Father except through Me.") However, I challenge even those who do not believe in God or Jesus to read this excellent biographical account of a man of God, who lived an example before his family and the world.
Each of the 13 chapters begin with a biblical scripture and then a quote from Billy Graham, with so much included as well as a continual flow of God's Word speaking forth truth and continuing the powerful message of Billy Graham beyond the hills or "unto the hills" for now that he is in heaven, he has that complete picture and perspective "through the eyes of Our Father" along with his bride, Ruth Graham Bell. There is a beautiful collection of photos for 24 pages inserted between page 240 and 241 in the hardcover book. A wonderful bonus! I highly recommend this as a great resource of a biography of the Reverend Billy Graham, the Graham family, BGEA, Samaritan's Purse (and other ministries of the Evangelical Association and Graham family) as a gift or individual purchase - it is well worth it and so inclusive of Billy Graham's life and love for his family, God, his wife and the salvation message of the God.
{Personal note: I chose this date to publish my review because this is the date my earthly father went home to be with the Lord and joined my mother and brother, only 15 days short of his 90th birthday - an though my dad and I rarely saw "eye to eye" on a wide variety of topics, I do know that I learned and live the legacy of my father and the love of God, because I was taught about God from a young age, given a private education because my father worked hard to give his family the best he was able, much like Billy Graham gave to his own earthly family and many that came to Jesus because of this Evangelist. I honor both men, my dad and Billy Graham, who learned to know, love and serve God in whatever they did and left a legacy to their families and the church family, which is well documented in this uplifting detailed book of a life well-lived. I pray my own life would end so gloriously in Jesus' name and to Him be all glory, honor and praise. Thank You Father, for the life of my dad and Franklin's, one who moved and touched the world for God and the other who touched and moved my world to want to love, know and serve God and gave me this opportunity!}
Thanks dad! Truly receiving, reviewing and reading this book has blessed me and it would have been your birthday gift this year on September 28th if you were still here (it's been the longest 20 yrs. without you and even more without mom and Gary) but because I have the privilege of knowing Jesus, I will see you all again and look forward to that day. And in my eyes, my dad looks similar to Billy Graham (like the cover on the book). Truly this book's a keepsake for me and a tribute to my dad going home on this day in 1998, and Billy Graham's heavenly homecoming on February 21st of this year (20 yrs. after my dad).

Disclosure: I received this book free through BookLook Bloggers, from the publisher, in return for an honest review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the FTCs 16 CFR, Part 255

AN UNEXPECTED MAZE ENDING ...

... OR NOT ...
[This is actually being written in November. but as I often do, moved back to another earlier date as my added bold note on the last post in this "Unexpected Maze..." Journey. I finally have some available time to write an update, which is positive and hopeful, at this point.]
During October, my spouse made quite a recovery & remarkable progress; with and without his walker, with his once a week visit from Hospice RN and other team members. So much so that we were told in advance that he was doing so well, based on sheer will, determined to regain his life and the capacity to go on, that he would most likely no longer qualify for Hospice Care and he couldn't wait to be independent and on his own. He officially was terminated on November 4th, although his last visit from any Hospice was on Nov. 2nd. He didn't even wait until his official termination to ask a dear friend a favor of taking him into town to a favorite restaurant to eat. So off they went that Saturday afternoon. 
Now, most of us, realize that this was the extended warranty of God's mercy and grace on this individual's life to come to the knowledge and acceptance of knowing Jesus Christ, however, sadly, so far, he has seen this as his own recovery and strength so that he can tie up other loose ends of his life and projects that he was working on with special people that he wants to complete and is continuing as able, with any of their outside help, meeting his demand or requests. One of my fears is that he will spend too much time on his ideas instead of allowing God to reach him, among other fears and stresses I have with my many insecurities, now adding or increasing health problems in me. What a vicious cycle the enemy lays out when he fears he's loosing a soul! (my opinion) The battle and scheme just takes another turn or twist in the 'maze', Yet I still hold on to all iBelieve and the promises I claim in God's Word. 
So this man, suffers a near death destiny placed on palliative care, from a stroke to his cerebellum that moves to the frontal lobe of his brain, further impairing his speech, but never gives him any paralysis so he is able to recover. He's seen his regular, primary doctor twice and only put on one medication daily and one shot of insulin weekly for his diabetes, nothing so far for his Alzheimers at all. I remember having one opportunity in his intensive care unit room to speak life into him, after he made his view clear to me that he believes that when his life ends on this earth, it ends and that's it. I told him that I don't believe that and because I believe in Jesus, I believe that there is a better life after this one ends. Death is not the end. However, I guess, if I thought as he does, that there is nothing else afterwards, I too, would be determined to continue fighting to live and accomplish all I could. But none of this, or any earthly endeavors will bring about an extended, eternal life or guarantee of salvation ... only Jesus. Jesus, still is the only way. Jesus still is the One who saves us from perishing. My heart broke in the hospital when I thought that he may die and perish. It's hard to know someone you know and have prayed for might actual never receive everlasting life and perish. It was so difficult to believe that God would allow this to just happen, not the God, who I know, who loves me, who redeemed me from sin and death. 
At this point, life goes on ... but this 'unexpected maze' although it may seem like it ended when Hospice Care ended ... and this might be considered a blessed miracle or else we just came to one of those parts in the maze where there is no exit ... so you go back and look for another way ... that the Way Maker provides if and when we open our heart and lives to the One and Only WAY out of this 'Maze' ...


still praying and believe
MY GOD
***
I chose 9/11 to post this because it also marks an event with far too many tragic endings to other "unexpected mazes" we may never understand this side of eternity so I'm so thankful for an eternity with God to end the mess and maze of this world <><
"I would have despaired unless I had BELIEVED that I would see the goodness of the Lord..."
Psalm 27:13-14 NASB continues with
"...in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."

AN UNEXPECTED MAZE CONTINUED ...

I've thought long and hard about whether I should continue the day by day happenings since August 25th until currently and decided that my writing is not that clear, nor are my thoughts, {so no, I won't be} because I'm trying to do this, thinking back, over the days that have blurred together by now ... and yet there were days along this 'maze' that have significant parts rather than me recalling the events of the week of August 26th - August 31st, when my husband came home ... or if I tried to catch you up on the changes that have taken place since then from September 1st to now to let you know that he is still alive (and I believe, God is still in control and at work - actually I can see His hand even in the days prior to the stroke and how God truly knows me and cares about me, but even more, He cares so much about every one of His creations, His children, which includes my husband).

I've known this all along as I prayed for him, for us, for our families ... yes, God holds the key to this entire story being played out before my very eyes. So I've come to the conclusion that I would sum up the significant days thus far ... after day 1 and day 2 ... day 3 and day 4, looked as if he was making great progress with physical and occupational therapy, plans to move him to another room and part of the hospital as soon as a bed became available so he could pursue rehabilitation ... then day 5 hit. It had been explained to us that the swelling on the brain occurs in the first 5 days.

August 29th - (sandwiched in between two very important people's birthdays) I awoke at 5:30 a.m. to the news that our 15 year old daddy dog had taken a turn for the worse, vomiting and falling over, so plans were made to take him to our vet to be put to sleep and return him to be buried at home on our hill. It was a heart breaking beginning to my day and an end to a cherished pet, yet I was so glad for the 15 years I enjoyed this sweet chihuahua mix that seemed more like a Jack Russel and gave me many joyful days and memories. 

I left from this ordeal to the hospital where my husband was waiting to be moved ... to discover, he had a new RN in charge of him that day that did not know the exceptional progress that he had made, and I found that he had digressed significantly because he was unable to get out one word that I could understand, and it was difficult for him to even say the word, which was 'pick' ... up until the evening before he had been speaking in full sentences and carrying on conversations without any difficulty with everyone who had come to visit. His own sister and brother were en route from their home state to ours and he was anticipating their arrival, wanting to get cleaned up again including teeth with a floss pik. I mentioned this change in his speech to his new RN and he alerted the neuro dr., who decided to run another cat-scan to see what was going on or had happened. This is when it was discovered that the swelling was not in the cerebellum where the stroke had first occurred, but the swelling had moved to the frontal lobe of the brain, affecting his speech and swallowing. The dr. drew and explained this on the whiteboard and how they could do surgery by putting in a stent. So that's the direction I thought we were headed until they examined his health care directive (not updated since 2007) which stated that he did not wish to be kept going on any life support machines so they could not proceed with said surgery. I was devastated. To me, if this would give him a chance or save his life, give him more time, then I felt they should proceed but they could not ... and he was told and asked what he wanted by his sister; the only word that came forth was "home" so that is what we proceeded to make possible with Hospice Care provided from our local hospital team and hospital equipment, furniture, etc. was sent to our house on Fri. August 31st as I awaited that and his arrival in an ambulance transport. Meanwhile, of course, his dear home care companion since 2003, had cleared our living room of living room furniture to make ready his new, easily accessible room, along with another friend to help move everything out. That first weekend was so hectic, being Labor Day weekend, and we also had 3 members of his family staying with us. 

He came home and none of his regular pill medications were going to be continued for diabetes and his beginning alzheimers - not even his vitamins. He was prescribed a pain medication every 6 hours. Last week, it was cut in half and currently he is taking none. That medication seemed to be giving him more problems instead of helping him and as I mentioned he was not in pain and has a high tolerance to pain. So after asking why, it was finally cut to half and then eliminated. Part of the reaction to this was nausea even with the med and just water, he continued to throw up then choosing not to eat, thinking he'd just be throwing it up. So that too was eliminated, but another one is available if he is nauseated. This means after 3 weeks, he is taking no medications and only 1 as needed. 

The weather outside is dreary and colder so today he was cold, choosing to wear a jacket indoors. Yet he had a really great day yesterday ... actually it was a highlight of his time home, being interviewed by a columnist of our TC newspaper that he respects and keeps many of his articles. He came to our home. My husband was up early at 6 a.m. (and so was I) as he wanted to shave himself and get ready when the journalist wasn't even coming until later in the afternoon. He's using his walker quite well and insisting on being very independent since over a week ago; having to feed himself, brush his teeth, drink from his glass, get around to the bathroom, kitchen and even once outside last week when the weather was warmer. 

So, we go two steps forward ... some days ... followed by three steps backwards. however this determined individual has a very strong will and much more to do in his earthly life (so does God) I strongly BELIEVE that speaking LIFE into him at the hospital is exactly what God is doing with so many people promising to pray for him, not even realizing his spiritual beliefs; yet God does, God knows him in every detail and aspect, and HE is faithful. I don't know the future or what it may hold for my husband as I hope and continue to press in and pray, but I do know the One who holds the future of this man in His hands.

It's one step at a time, one day at a time, one more moment or person that might make a breakthrough with this person, changing the outcome of being perished to one of being redeemed, which is up to that individual and God, which is why it's a personal relationship and only God sees and knows the heart. My God, my Lord is not so small to be put in a box or the concepts of our human mind ... HE is bigger than every problem, in fact, He knows the outcome before it ever started.

I BELIEVE that God, the Father, sent His Son, Jesus Christ, so that S** (my spouse, your son, your friend, your loved one) would believe in Him (Jesus Christ, Savior of the world from our sin that separates us from the Father) because He loves S** so much (even more than all of us together praying for our loved ones) so that S** (and yours) may not die (which is separation from God) but have eternal life (which is heaven, an eternity in God's Presence - no more death or sorrow or crying or pain, my how I look forward to that and really going "home" not like my husband to our earthly home (house) but to that promise of an eternal home, a longing that is in me (frankly, all of us who know Jesus can't wait, because this is truly where and to whom we belong, it's been inside us since we were created in His image) and I BELIEVE that all of us are, we just need to come to that place of acknowledging Him, believing His Word and confessing Him as Lord... have you? will you? before it's too late

Please don't wait or take the chance that you might be wrong or right in what you believe or chosen not to believe, He has given each of us a free will, but He longs to make us right with Him eternally forgiven and loved. It can't get any better. 

I just received this ebook and this last prayer written from the prayer of Elisha for his servant is what I pray for my and your 'prodigal' (we've all been one) but the Father has His arms open wide - ready to embrace you - just come, home:

{insert his or her, he or she, or their name for word in italics}

" God, open his eyes and let him see that though he has walked out on You, You have never left him, nor will You leave him, he is not alone. God, open his eyes so he can see that You are able to work for good, even out of the darkest and most painful circumstances. God, open his eyes and let him see that You have plans and a purpose for his life, plans for good and not evil. God, open his eyes and let him see that You created him uniquely, specially, a one-of-a-kind masterpiece filled with Your beauty. God, open his eyes that he may see that life being lived to impress others and glorify himself is leading to emptiness. God, open his eyes and let him see that the material wealth, knowledge and possessions of this world will never satisfy. God, open our eyes and let us see the pride that has blinded us, the sin that has hardened us, and the lies that have deceived us. God, open our eyes and let us see that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate our prodigals from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, Our Lord ... Lord, we pray for A sudden Awakening, brutal Honesty, and immediate Action ... in our own lives, and in the life of those we love. Awaken them. Awaken us ..." from "Praying for your Prodigal", chapter 10, by Kyle Idleman and many more, check out special til 9/19

[I may pop in every now and again, update or let you know what's happening or happened ... but please keep this household in prayer, and I need a supernatural strength to keep this schedule and the ability to keep going with an extra portion of amazing grace and tolerance/patience to the needs of this new mission ... and

lack of sufficient sleep and my own health needs. Thank you in advance]

MOVING THIS POST from 9/12/18 to earlier on 9/9 so I can add one other post before my Book Review to keep these in somewhat of a sequence without another post interrupting any of these "Unexpected Maze' parts.

AN UNEXPECTED MAZE ... day 2

Most of what happened on Day 2, I already mentioned briefly in Day 1 in the "T" part in blue of signs of strokes ... so this is about how long it took us to convince my spouse that he had to go to the ER/hospital (from 2 a.m. 'til about 10 a.m.). He insisted that he needed to clean up, call people to cancel scheduled appointments, and oh, he let us know, that he really needs to get some sleep first (since he had been up, back and forth on his own to his bathroom all night since 11 p.m.) We knew that he was dehydrated but as I wrote on day 1, we had no idea that he had had a stroke ... which we found out when our local hospital ran a cat-scan, informing us that he needed to be transported to a Brain Trauma, Critical Care Unit in our State Capitol area, led by a nationally, recognized team of expert care {I found most of the staff, especially the RN's, to be so - they all work together so well to provide the best care} 
Again, too many visitors, which should have been just immediate family ... but my husband considers that umbrella to extend beyond our family. His brother and sister came on Weds. and shortly joined by his other sister. Of course, they are family and our daughter (accompanied by her oldest children on different days, but not her youngest two, until he was moved home). But there were others considered 'family' to him. My priority for him, especially in this Critical Care Unit was his care and that needed to take precedence to all the visits.
Since this was Sunday, and in no way, seemed like a SONday for me, I definitely knew he needed his rest and so did I and the other caregiver that had been up with him. Rest - it's such a needed state in our lives for our physical bodies and our spiritual soul, whether we believe we have one or not, God created each of us with that special place within us, created in His very image ... I believe so His Spirit can reside within us and speak to the spirit in us. 

"The Lord replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." (Exodus 33:14)

I knew without a doubt that I needed His REST now more than ever (but in retrospect, it looks like this was just the beginning of an endless need of rest, that I would not be getting physically yet knew I needed to spiritually whether I had the time or not -because I need His Presence continually with me for this "unexpected maze" that was just getting started). God knew this months before, even a year ago, as I was so blessed to read Bonnie Gray's "Whispers of Rest" (and could soak in this all over again, if I could just find an extra minute)... so for now, I will soak in instrumentals playing in the background and the verse that God has spoken into my spirit all summer (Matthew 11:28-29) - His Promise that I cling to and remind myself daily to "Come ..."
Even in the hectic scuffle, back and forth, to hospital and home, I found the time with our local Christian radio station, KTIS in my car ... and those beautiful instrumental videos with Bible verses, I was trying to saturate my spirit to find the strength for this hard place, that has now become my new mission to serve and love in the hard places, even when I'm rejected or pushed aside or receive harsh comments, I must try ... but only by God, by His power and the Holy Spirit, will I find my way through this 'unexpected maze' ... where He leads, may I submit and surrender to do and be like Jesus. And tomorrow's another day - a new day, where His mercies and grace are new every morning
I leave my husband in the care of a well-trained team for his physical care, asking God to care and reach His spiritual need, actually begging and pleading God to come through ... to get through, to rescue him from perishing and asking for God's forgiveness, mercy and an abundant outpouring of the aMazing Grace that I have been so blessed to have, please touch and break through this hardened heart and mind set that this life is all there is ... and his living care directive asks for no spiritual person to interact with him to bombard him with religion and all we are asking for is that he realize his personal need to be rescued, to be saved, to repent and COME to Jesus - that there is an afterlife to those who BELIEVE and the only way to God (the Father) is through Jesus, His Son - not just a great teacher or prophet {as he believes} but the sacrificial lamb that paid the price for all of us and our sin. On this SONday, I stop at the hospital chapel and cry out to the One, who I BELIEVE in, to redeem this man, who by his own works, he has done so much, how much more he could have done with God.