RELATIONSHIP Help - Healthy or Unhealthy?

Because of my FULL MONTH plan for October, I needed to squeeze this blog post in as a Prelude, so that you might understand why RELATIONSHIP is my 2022 Word & even though I have only a few months left, I am not even close to digging into the complexities of my RELATIONSHIP(S) - mostly those earthly ones that need so much work, or I do. But any way you look at this, my RELATIONSHIPs have not been healthy, I think that I have admitted and indicated having unhealthy ones; and now I am exploring this possibility - that at least one is a Toxic Relationship. I'm just learning about this. I noticed some of the signs in the relationship of another person (dear to me) and then realized that it might also be in mine. So that is the topic of this blog post as I search and learn. Also since I am just learning something new to me, I advise you to seek the facts and truths yourselves, realizing that this is my disclaimer to any comments I make or you may read in the articles I link. Perhaps you may feel that I should wait until I know more, but right now I need to acknowledge this and hope it helps. 

As usual for me, I need to start out with defining a "toxic relationship". I read this in various places but sharing this one. Most of the links I share will lead you to other similar definitions and much more information. 

"A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time. Toxic relationships can exist in just about any context, from the playground to the boardroom to the bedroom " Very Well Mind "A relationship is toxic when your well-being is threatened in some way - emotionally, psychologically, and even physically."

I have found various articles or sites that share Signs of Toxic Relationships from 5 to 7, up to 21. I chose depicting some of the Signs with this image:

[image credit: RamsMedia]

  However I found this article of 21 Signs to be the most thorough and professional (in other words - trustworthy) - "21 Signs of Toxic Relationships" but "24 Signs You're in a Toxic Relationship and Need to Let Go" from Women's Health speaks volumes to me (and my past) - where was this back then? I skipped the intro and just skimmed the bold face 24 signs and clearly know that I indeed needed this back in my 20s and 30s for sure. 

[This is 1 of 3 Infographics shared by "Choosing Therapy" author of 21 Signs above]

Further reading showed me the Impacts of Toxic Relationships and How to Fix ... in the above article of 21 Signs ... as you continue reading, but as so often people have to be willing - willing to admit and wanting to find a remedy or change; which most often, is only one sided. Toxic relationships have long-lasting, life-changing impacts according to Psychology Today. My own experiences show me.

"Some of the physical side effects of a toxic relationship are disrupted sleep, poor nutrition, digestive issues, muscle tightness, fatigue/ feeling constantly worn down, and immunity issues (getting ill more often)." Source

The more I look (and read), the more I find and discover how much I needed this a long time ago; along with my 365 Daily Devotions ... book by Karla Downing and her excellent website and You Tube Channel - which is very helpful and it's not just for RELATIONSHIPS that are toxic. "Change My Relationship..." is continually changing me or causing me to see what I should have changed long ago in my life (but now, seemingly a little late - although I've been encouraged to hope - it's never too late (at least until you leave this earthly home). 

There's no way that I can conclude this blog post, because it's part of my on-going life process ... even though I am in the last season of my life, I am still learning and I hope changing myself and my RELATIONSHIPS - the difficult and the ones that I so appreciate that have blessed me, tolerated me and hopefully prayed for me. So I add this image as an alternative for an ending and perhaps in November & December, I can come back and summarize some progress with my 2022 Word: RELATIONSHIP - from Unhealthy to Healthy. I truly need work & God is so patient and helpful in showing me. 

[image credit]

Oh and one more thing - there are various Quizzes available to find out if you're in a Toxic Relationship or Who's the Toxic One... Are You in a Toxic Relationship?  These were just a few and not necessarily endorsed by me; search for your own that you feel comfortable with and beware of some. Check the source (lol).

The Last of my RELATIONSHIP search from JESUS LISTENS - Part 3

This is my third and final post of my search in JESUS LISTENS for My 2022 One Word - RELATIONSHIP. The last one covered August through September 29th. The first one was quite lengthy covering the entire first half of the year up until July 17th. This one will cover what's left from October - December in JESUS LISTENS, which is just a few.
 

"... My identity as a child of God gives my life meaning and purpose. My RELATIONSHIPS with other people improve as I relate to them with the love and forgiveness You've given me."~ October 23, Jesus Listens, page 310

" ... *this wastes a lot of time and energy; even worse, it distracts me from my RELATIONSHIP with You. Whenever this happens, please open my eyes so I can find You in the midst of my circumstances." ~ November 4, Jesus Listens, page 322

{I realize that *"this" does not make much sense out of the context of the full prayer}

"... Sometimes I get so focused on other things - difficulties and distractions in my life - that I *neglect my RELATIONSHIP with You. Help me to remember to put You first in my life, relating to You continually as my First Love. ..." ~ December 5, Jesus Listens, p. 355

*{I do not think I am "neglecting" my Relationship with my King, but I'm sure there were times in my life when I did, but not in the last 30 + years}

"... I am filled with Your fullness - flooded with You Yourself! (AMPC) (Ephesians 3:19) This is deeper, richer union than I can find in any human RELATIONSHIP. You know everything about me ..." ~p. 376, December 26, Jesus Listens

My intention of doing a search for my One Word RELATIONSHIP in my daily devotional book "Jesus Listens" of prayers & scriptures for this year was to take note and focus of the times that RELATIONSHIP is mentioned or comes up, even in a book, not specifically on RELATIONSHIPS but on the most important One in my life! Speaking with Him (through Prayer) but more importantly LISTENing to Jesus, through His Word ... has impacted me and deepened that RELATIONSHIP and made me more aware of our daily interaction (intermittently throughout the day and night) makes our RELATIONSHIP stronger. I hope that it helps me with the earthly ones and their RELATIONSHIP with Jesus (having one) and also with my other devotional for the full year to "Change My RELATIONSHIP" (that one is to basically work on earthly difficulties in RELATIONSHIPS - so I'm sure that there are many uses of the word RELATIONSHIP in that one (over 400) - on all kinds of RELATIONSHIPS (God & not so godly). The main aim of that book is to help me become healthy in my RELATIONSHIPS. It is filled with many concepts and ideas never learned or practiced in my life. It really is about a great deal of "change" needed. It starts with me. 

[I am posting this blog on a significant day with one of my family RELATIONSHIPs, that is no longer with us, this side of heaven, but I still celebrate his birthday. Our RELATIONSHIP needed work while he was here, because his role in my life affected my understanding of my Heavenly Father for many years besides the impact on our own earthly RELATIONSHIP yet he did the best he could by me & for me. Although our RELATIONSHIP was dysfunctional, he taught me many lessons and was very hard working. We were similar and yet very different in our perspectives. Some say I was his favorite, but all my life I never felt that I was, nor that I lived up to his expectations, nor that he was pleased with me. But he forgave me, in a final letter he wrote for our family, and that meant the world to me. Happy Birthday Dad! I love you.]

More RELATIONSHIP Words from Jesus Listens - Part 2

Part 1 - Back on August 1st, I shared a search from one of my favorite devotionals for 2022, "Jesus Listens" but only gave 13 of the 27 and even that was a bit over-whelming. Those were from January to July in the book (thus Mid Year review). Even though I compiled them for my August 1st post as a 'review', I had actually done this back in July. So today's Part 2, although I am working on this post only 10 days after I posted the first one, it's been a bit longer for me, since I did that post & search actually in July and I don't want to lose the rest of the 27 (which is not really 27, a few are used in one devo). {I realize I won't really lose them because I can search for RELATIONSHIP again - this seems to be the story of my life (lol)}

My real reason is to keep these before me as I continue my 2022 One Word focus on RELATIONSHIP. It's another one of those WORDs that you start but you know it just will continue, like STRENGTH from 2021 (and honestly most of my One Words still do since 2012). 

 

As I reread that first post and those 13, I found it to be a little overwhelming. I guess that's why reading one of "Jesus Listens" devotional each day is such a blessing, but doing the full book would be too much. I appreciate having a prayer with the scriptures and the pace for each day! I thought about doing each one on the actual day but then I might have to reflect and write more on each one (and I may) but for now, I am putting them all together here. I hope it might encourage you to get your own copy of "Jesus Listens" ... you won't be disappointed. In case you need to recall from that 1st post, these are only a quote from the prayer, with the word RELATIONSHIP, so reading it in full context will help you better. Continuing after July 17th with August 2nd:

"...This delightful discipline {*of praise and thanks} nurtures my soul and enhances my RELATIONSHIP with You  - providing an easy way for me to draw near You."~August 2, Jesus Listens, page 225.

* this concept of discipline is given in the part of the prayer prior to this part.

"...It's essential for me to remember that my problems are temporary but You are eternal-and so is my RELATIONSHIP with You."~August 16, Jesus Listens, 239

  

"... As I keep focusing on You and enjoying the rich RELATIONSHIP You offer, my fear gradually subsides. I will trust and not be afraid, for You are my strength and my song." (Isaiah 12:2; I Samuel 30:6; Psalm 33:5) August 18, p.241

"...This practice of voicing my trust in You keeps me close to You..."September 6, Jesus Listens, page 261

"...This rich communication with You brings me real relief. It also strengthens my RELATIONSHIP with You and helps me find the way forward..."September 13, Jesus Listens, p.268

"Lord, please lead me beside quiet waters and restore my soul. Just as lovers can communicate deeply with very few words, so it is in my RELATIONSHIP with You-the Lover of my soul." September 27, Jesus Listens. page 282

I thought this would be a good prayer point to end this post, however, there is only one more RELATIONSHIP left for September ... and then only a few more from October - December (but I will wait until then for those few). The last one in September is even a better place to end. 

"... Gratitude enables me to perceive You more clearly and to rejoice in our Love- RELATIONSHIP. ..." September 29, Jesus Listens, page 284

Almost every one of these prayer parts are at or near the end of the prayer, except for this last one. In my mind, it's because Praise and Gratitude should always come first. In fact, a little praise, encouragement, good words and thankful hearts would help us in our earthly RELATIONSHIPS. It's just that the greatest praise and thanks goes to our Heavenly One first and always, no matter the circumstance, He is in control; He cares for you; He cares about your RELATIONSHIPS; He wants us to prepare our hearts and lives to look for the best in each other and do our best with all He has given us and does for us, including the RELATIONSHIPS that are most difficult (or when they are) so we can be Jesus to them or as most like Him as we are able and ask for His help, when we can't. 

Note: I will have to have one more of these blog posts later for the last ones from October - December. I have another book that I am reading day by day on my One Word "Change My RELATIONSHIP" that has 400 results in that search, which makes sense since it's a book on RELATIONSHIP - mostly our difficult human ones. I pray each of your RELATIONSHIPS is being changed and made better each day

Pastor Rick Warren & his Awesome Relationship is suppose to be ending today. I have some other RELATIONSHIP reading plans with You Version. 

(My) Best RELATIONSHIP is with God!

Last week (August 4-5, 2022), Pastor Rick began "Becoming Best Friends with God" on the Daily Hope Radio (podcast) broadcast and his devotionals. Because my very life, friendship and RELATIONSHIP with God are the most important, I have spent most of this year focused on that RELATIONSHIP. I'm pretty sure that when my One Word for 2022, became RELATIONSHIPS that God was suggesting (strongly) that I need much work on my earthly, human RELATIONSHIPS but He does not (at all) mind me deepening the RELATIONSHIP I have with Him so that He can help me with the others; guiding and showing me the areas and the people He hopes I work on. 

Trust me, I enjoy much more my Best Friend Jesus and spending more and better time with Him. Yet the fruit needs to show around the people He has placed strategically in my life to grow me, sharpen me and refine me for His Kingdom purposes. I could write at great length about God & Me, however, I just want to highlight in this blog post Pastor Rick's teachings to LISTEN or READ (in case you missed them) because I think you'll enjoy them as much as I do. It is the most AWESOME RELATIONSHIP - the one you have or begin with*God/Jesus/Holy Spirit:

Becoming Best Friends with God – Part 1 August 4, 2022  Becoming Best Friends with God – Part 2 August 5, 2022 Becoming Best Friends with God – Part 3  August 8, 2022

I'm pretty sure there's a Part 4 tomorrow (August 9) because Pastor Rick finishes on August 11th with this series.UPDATE: It is actually

What Destroys Relationships and What Builds Them – Part 1 and Part 2 tomorrow

Pastor Rick wrote the following excellent devotionals about our RELATIONSHIP with God (August 5th - August 8th, 2022):

 

Daily Hope Devotional  Becoming Best Friends with God: God’s Love Frees You to Love Fearlessly Knowing God Is What Matters Most                               Give God Your Best Time               To Be God’s Friend, Value What He Values

[and Pastor Rick ends with the opportunity to trust Jesus with your life]

I really enjoy the "Talk It Over" parts of these devotionals. So, I'm sharing the one from August 8 "... Value what He Values":

• What gets in the way of you being a friend of God? What adjustments could you make in your thoughts or behavior to remove those barriers?
• What’s more important to you than knowing God? Why do you value it more?
• Describe the relationship you have with your best friend. How does it compare to the relationship you have with God?
• What are some things that you know God values? How important are those things to you?

Perhaps, I should take the time to pause and think about my own answers truthfully - I pray that each day I live more in sync with God's values and living them out; caring about what God cares about ... if I were to answer any of these, it would be a complete blog post. If you'd like , you may share one in the comments and remain anonymous (lol). If you have a good human RELATIONSHIP, it may be a good topic of discussion. I will be talking them over with God, Himself. These "Talk It Overs" are excellent questions and thoughts, for small group discussions. Be encouraged that the God of the universe cares enough about YOU - to want to be your Friend; Love YOU freely and fearlessly; He cares about what matters to YOU and matters the most; God deserves your BEST time of each and every day; He values YOU and wants YOU to value Him and all He shares in His Word (Philippians 4:8).

 I really appreciate this article "12 Things Jesus Valued that We Must Value"  - just in case you need a prompt to respond to the question above. [Jesus and God - are the same] In fact above I placed an * because I wanted you, as a reader to know, it's important to deepen your RELATIONSHIP with the Triune God as Jesus, Father God, and the Holy Spirit. And yes, RELATE to all 3 as 1! Jesus told us that there is no way to the Father (God, the Father) except through Him. (John 14:6) and (John 10:30). Yes, Lord - Life, Peace, Love, Truth, Faith,  Service, Sacrifice, Gratitude, Prayer (which is communication with God)and Fasting; SOULS ... RELATIONSHIPS! I do value all these and hope that You continue to show me clearly all You value and how I need to value the importance of each to a hurting world.

Thank you, Reader for reading (and if you choose to share (wink, wink) 😉 in the comments any of the "Talk It Over" or whatever. God values YOU! God's best!

SELFLESSNESS and HUMILITY in RELATIONSHIPS

Pastor Rick Warren had another 2 great devotions that I read and really cherish but I did not write a blog post about either (until now), because I just don't have as profound thoughts as he shared ... but, boy - do I agree!!! So I wonder why don't I have more to add? Most likely, because although I can point to the lack in the other (or others), perhaps this points to me too. I know while in Mexico, I often asked God to give me more humility, like I saw in the Mexican people, especially the women I had the honor to meet (of course, it's not every woman but more the women than the men). Ouch! Do I dare even write that ... well, I did. So there - now back to the 2 devotionals, in order:
August 3, 2022

"Healthy Relationships Depend on Selflessness"

"Selfishness destroys relationships. It is the number one cause of conflict, arguments, divorce, and even war." ...

“The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life."Galatians 6:7-8 (The Message) And after the beginning boxed quote: James 4:1 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” (NIV).

August 4, 2022

"Humility Builds Relationships"

"Pride destroys relationships. It shows up in a lot of different forms, like criticism, competition, stubbornness, and superficiality." ...

“Be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves.”   Philippians 2:3 (NCV)

I don't know if you have read these short devotionals by Pastor Rick Warren, and I considered (not really) copying it all and just adding my 2 cents after each line that strikes me (but I know better). I really do. 

Let me just add my 2 cents (and you can figure out to which part of his devotional I am referring to ...) [wink, wink] ... because when I wrote, I agree - I also might agree but have not experienced it. So, although I might like to shout "Amen" to what he shares, there are some places that I just might need to hold back, due to my inner head shaking, knowing that I've either seen or not seen this in my RELATIONSHIPS. Like the parts on the opposite of my title - Selfishness! Ouch! I swear as we get older, it seems that we tend towards being more selfish. I certainly know first-hand how selfishness destroys RELATIONSHIPS. Yet the other person, usually does not realize, admit or see themselves as selfish - in fact, they seem to think that they are very generous, giving far beyond what is deserved. Now, if we are Christians (at least in times past), you know that we do not deserve what God has given to us. Nowadays, sadly, too many are under the belief that they are privileged and entitled to more or better. [I will refrain from my views on this in our current society; but let me tell you, it's very hard for me to do this. Yet, I do not want to be like them in any way. However, that is also why there is so much destruction; too much deception and defensiveness; and way too much evil! (I should add a 'd' before that last word - devil). God help us.] There are more and more broken RELATIONSHIPS and way too much selfishness, bullying, negative remarks and comments instead of more mending, healing and positive words exchanged everywhere, but especially in social media. We have forgotten how to love like Jesus; we have forgotten how to relate or listen; we have forgotten how to build bridges and build up one another - out of our personal self-centered self (selfishness) - more of me, less to others. Whereas Pastor Rick shows us, we need less of "me" and more of "you" - selflessness - "thinking of others, more than yourself" and "putting their needs before your own". I have not seen that selflessness bring out the best in my relationship(s). I'd like to see this. I'd like healthy relationships! I'd like to be able to build trust or build back trust, but sometimes all the wishing or words just does not make it so. This does not mean that I don't agree or hope and pray that forgiveness will come in a visible way so that RELATIONSHIPS can be mended and move forward but reality is what it is. So I pray a little harder and work on selflessness anyway along with that humility. Great attributes (fruit to grow) in your life like these two, so we can build and not destroy the RELATIONSHIPS around us and the world so in need of Jesus - the real Jesus Christ and His attributes! 

You may notice that I chose to focus on the first devotional, rather than the second; but that's because I already mentioned about me and humility - it's just like me and some of the fruit of the Spirit, I need more of - like patience ... I do choose to allow Jesus Christ to control my thoughts, heart, attitude and reaction. Yes, it's that reaction that I really need His control more each and every day. Don't we all??Don't we need less reaction and more action? More waiting ... pause and let the Holy Spirit rise up and respond more Christlike (less like the d(evil)! We need to shine light in this darkness. We need to seek to be Spirit-controlled, not self and selfishly. We need to take off the spirit of pride - uproot it every time it rises up and seeks our way, like a spoiled child. We need to listen more, speak less and be ready to build, not tear down and destroy the differences between us but find a common bond ... a uniting force that Jesus Christ gives equally to each human being - one human race racing to the finish line and helping each other to get there too, together! One body under the humble authority of one Kingdom under God. I'm so thankful that we can encourage every RELATIONSHIP towards a more giving and generous understanding of inclusiveness, not being exclusive - acceptance, not more rejection and restriction. A healthy wholeness that wants RELATIONSHIPS healed and restored. Repentance and restitution to the many we have wronged. More and more aMazing Grace, like the grace that we are given each and every day! Honor others more than seeking for yourself - be humble like Jesus!

Thank you for reading! But I hope you read from Pastor Rick's devotionals to receive a message for you and yours, for hearts joined together, working to better our lives, not take away from others - in order to do this; but to find strength to build RELATIONSHIPS that will last and love more deeply (selflessly and humbly)!